When someone from your circle comes to you complaining and crying about their situation and circumstances, never reject or shock them by responding with a counter-complaint. It’s wrong when someone comes to you with their pain and you crush them further with complaints and anger of your own, explaining how miserable you are, how much worse your situation is, and how they’re exaggerating or being dramatic. No, my friend, by doing so, you are implicitly humiliating them, adding more sorrow to their already heavy burden without even realizing it.
Yes, the one who comes to you complaining didn’t come out of nowhere; they certainly trust you and see in you the warm, compassionate embrace amidst all this harshness and cruelty we live in. They see in you hope—a kind word, a new perspective on their problem, useful advice, guidance, a share of feelings and thoughts, a sounding board for their ideas. It doesn’t mean they see you as insignificant or trivial.
Another important thing: the one who turns to you is among your closest people—not strangers or random passersby in your life. They’re your siblings, your mother, your sister, your daughter, your son, your aunt, your friend. They didn’t reach the point of complaining to you except after the last straw broke their back. They want someone to ease their pain, to cling to you, even if your own situation is as bad or worse.
Your duty toward them is to ease their burdens as much as you can, because, simply put, they are the last remnants of your homeland—after all the destruction has fallen on us. These people, my friend, are your last home, your last family, your last people, your last safe place you can trust and feel at peace with.
If someday you fall or get hurt, you will find them immediately around you. And forget about the few who don’t appreciate or protect you—they are few and don’t represent everyone.
Your love and compassion for your family, my friend, are saving graces for you. Being there for them in their hardships builds your strength and adds to your account of goodness.
Believe me, the days will come, as always, when you’ll feel suffocated and crushed, wanting someone to ease your pain before you explode. Imagine then if the one you turn to drowns you with their complaints, sorrow, and anger.
We, my friend, are forced to lean on each other in these hard times we never imagined ourselves passing through. We must gather our broken pieces and try to mend the deep, painful cracks and wounds that have slaughtered our hearts.
I know what I’m saying isn’t easy, but unfortunately, there is no escape.
During this war, I tried to find a substitute for people, instead of people—but in the end, I found none. That sister of yours—where else would she go? That mother—where else would she cry out her heartache? That son—where else would he show his weakness and breakdown? That daughter—where else would she reveal her pain and nervous collapse?
They are your family, your last homeland. In a world that abandoned us, they are your shelter when all beings left you crushed without any guilt and with the utmost disgrace and no real response to soothe our pain.
At this time, all we have left is each other. Nothing stands by us but our mercy and sympathy for one another.
Enough of the blasphemy and crimes committed against us. Enough of the overwhelming oppression, thick injustice, and dark abandonment inflicted upon us. We don’t want to add pain to pain, cry because of each other, get angry at one another, or be upset with ourselves.
May God help us through this period without more tears, bitterness, or anger.
By Dr. Ahmed Hisham Hilles
